P90X

So I've been dragging in writing this little post. 3 years ago, (yes, I said 3) I purchased the P90X (or is it PX90?) exercise program.  I got to know the mail woman very well while anxiously waiting for it to arrive. Almost 2 years ago I finally opened the box. Right before I became pregnant with Z. I did the program for 4 days straight.  After the 4th day I could not move. I swear on everything that I hold holy that I had a fever, my body was in massive pain, my organs were shaking (I could feel everything shake) and my legs felt like rubber.  I remember telling my husband that something was very wrong with me and that the only reason people actually lost weight was because they were too tired to eat anything coupled with the fact that they were too sore to heave themselves up off the floor to walk to the kitchen.  He laughed and in between gasps of air he told me that my body was in shock. Fast forward 2 years.  My neighbor friend kindly brought me her scale (because I'm too lazy to walk across the street) so that I could weigh myself. I was expecting some figure hitting the 200 lb mark.  I was pleasantly surprised at 168.  Thing is, I'm 5'2. Not really. I'm 5'0 when I stand up reeeeally straight so 168 lbs. looks like 200 lbs.  Who am I kidding? Really. Who?

I've decided to write about this for 2 reasons. A being that if I write about it I'll probably be shamed into actually doing it. And B. B is funny and is totally motivated by my friend Audra. You see, Audra also has 5! beautiful babies and is also motivated to lose weight after the birth of princess Audrina. However, Audra has will power. Something I do not posses. Obviously. But back to the motivation. We were talking about losing weight pre-5th baby a while back and she mentioned that by summertime (last year) she wanted to lose enough weight to dress like a ho. Well, guess what. I want to dress like a ho too. Not like woman of the night ho, but more of a conservative, sexy ho. Picture a cross between Salma and Halle. Minus the beauty and height or the Oscar and the money, more curvy-also-known-as-wide hips, long black coarse hair with a few gray hairs, crows feet, Latina, stacked (but in need of a serious push up bra after nursing 5! kids), splotchy skin, pale, dimples (and not in my face cheeks), in need of an eyebrow wax, did I mention I have a 5! kids stretch marked stomach, and a total make-over and wardrobe needed. Whew! I think I have my work cut out for me.

Now, if this is not daunting in itself I don't know what is. I want to lose weight for me. Not for my kids, or my husband (I do have to say that he has never complained or commented on my weight), or anything or anyone else. I want to feel and look good. Again. I used to have that swagger. You know what I'm talking about. That walk, confidence and attitude that made you feel so good. You know, the swagger. I lost it somewhere. Somewhere between too few hours of sleep, and nursing, and eating the mac and cheese the kids left on their plates because I was too tired to serve myself a meal, and the demands of a house, kids, work, life...

I intend to find it. Again.

P.S.: I'm starting P90X?/PX90? on Monday.