One Huge Warm Pacifier

There is nothing better in this world for me than nursing my kids.

Ask any momma, and she will tell you that it is a very time consuming, self-less but beautiful thing to do. Isaiah will be two in July. I don't see us parting ways anytime soon. And that is ok with me.

I use to think about all of the things that I had to get done while I was nursing. I could be using this time to wash that ever growing pile of laundry, or scrub the bathroom from top to bottom because let's face it, with four boys, I really should be scrubbing it three times a day, and I'm lucky to get to it once or twice a week. The to-do list is never ending and the constraints on my time are more noticeable now with a wide range of ages present. 

With these last two kiddos, I learned to enjoy and appreciate nursing. Those eyes that have no other recourse but to stare directly into mine is something that I will never take for granted. The way their little hands caress or grab onto my shirt like they never want to let go packs such a powerful punch it brings tears to my eyes. Of course it's probably just a reflex on their part if they feel me moving away, but still, it never fails to move me.

Now, I think of all the things that are happening right now. Like the eyelashes that slowly move up and down. An obvious indicator that sleep is just around the corner. To me it signifies the end of a morning that was spent playing and eating and laughing. Or the evening rituals of bathtime, lotioning little bodies, and tucking ourselves into the corner of the couch for some time together.  And those smiles. The crease in the corners of the mouth, smiling, but never allowing for his lips to break latch. That makes me smile just thinking about it.

As I was commenting to the pediatrician on how Isaiah still wakes at night to nurse, he kindly suggested that if I wanted to get a good night's rest, then I should stop nursing. His exact words were, "You are just one huge, warm pacifier to him."

So true.

Best Flour Tortillas Ever

My momma is one of the best cooks I know the best cook i know. How's that for butt kissing? Seriously, she gets down in the kitchen. So, when I had a hankering for homemade flour tortillas, the woman of the hour came through. Again. Let's just say the kitchen and I have a healthy respect for each other. She, the kitchen, promises not to burn me and the casa down and I promise to stay away as much as possible after cooking 3 simple meals a day.

My helper extraordinaire:

Do you see Aiden's little hands in the dough? For such a camera hog, he refused to take pictures that day. He told me he had 'crazy hair'. He wasn't kidding.

Just dawned on me that Isaiah has the same 'crazy hair'.

G-ma Bell, are you proud?

They were both so concentrated on making their tortillas, they amused themselves, as in alone and not calling for me, for 1/2 an hour, which made me: Winning! (Let's channel Charlie Sheen here.)

I ended up the loser though. Since I made these decadent 33 grams each of carbohydrate induced saucers, the spawn have since decided to boycott prepackaged flour tortillas for homemade flour tortillas. Major loser. 

Mom, if you're reading this - don't. Wait until Mother's Day.

I took pictures of these fabulous kids of mine. Just a little something for Mother's Day that is looming ahead. Do you know how hard it is to make sure 5 kids look at the camera at the same time? Without losing my sanity? Just saying.

As you can see, some of us did lose our sanity.

Oh my, how in love with these people am I. Makes it almost worth my loss of brain cells.



This boy has me wrapped around those grubby, chubby, little hands of his. I wouldn't have it any other way. At this very moment in time I write with him in my arms...nursing, drifting off to sleep.



We are fortunate to live a block away from some gorgeous vineyards. This old red barn was just asking to have its picture taken with my brood. Unfortunately you won't really get to see the vineyard as these kids refused to take pictures with the 'grapes'.

And just for the record, I brushed and tamed Aiden's hair. However I firmly believe it has a mind and life of its own.

My lovely girl.

Can I just take a moment to say how thankful I am to have this child as my daughter?  I am. She is the greatest.

There you have it. My best try. Mom, if you saw these pictures act surprised on Mother's Day, mmmkay?

Lovely Day Who Would Have Thought

There were some pretty gorgeous days last week. We could no longer stay away from the sun's warm rays of sunshine...or the nearest park.

Since the weather has had a mind of it's own for several weeks and add to that the fact that my children have been the earthly version of the plague, we haven't seen the park in many weeks.

I we missed it.

It worked out so wonderfully. Silly, really, how a trip to my not-so-favorite-park-I-only-go-there-when-I'm-short-on-time, turned into a trip my Aiden remembered in the morning.

Aiden and Isaiah are home with me all day long...so needless to say it gets a little mundane and repetitious. Our trips to the park help me stay sane and they love it. It's a win win baby.

The sun was shining through so beautifully.

You see my boys face? Pure joy I tell you.

Shredded tires are the bomb.

My favorite picture. Isaiah was playing too close to the edge and he kept laughing hysterically when I would yell for him to move back. He would actually kick his little foot in the open to make me leap forward. And then he would laugh maniacally. Punk.

Isn't this tree gorgeous? It is absolutely huge. My boys and I laid under it and watched the little blossoms sway to the floor.

Snack time. Holy cow...I actually brought one.

Sigh. I love these boys. I really love these boys.

Their favorite part of the day? Picking up their brother from school.

My favorite part of the day? The next morning, when Aiden told me he had a wonderful time at the park and could we lay under the tree again.

This week is going to be busy...I thrive on busy. I do my best work when there are deadlines involved. That's nice speak for I'm a damn procrastinator. However, everything seems to get done. Not perfectly but done. I'm still working on that pile of laundry. Ahem, piles of laundry.

Have a spectacular week. Go to the park. Give your babies a kiss. Tell them you love them.

Happy Birthday Aiden

Happy Birthday Baby

We celebrated his birthday this weekend. Simple, only his siblings, and he was very happy.

Aiden, my love, you are now 4 years old and the life of the family. Your independent streak has skyrocketed into something resembling the attitude of a 15 year old boy. Not fun...but then again, you are instantly forgiven with your sloppy kisses, hugs and I love you's. You love to say "Aaawwwkwarrrrd" which you say at just the right time every single time and that dissolves your siblings into fits of laughter. You are growing up though. I can see that you crave some alone time. I often find you in someone's room playing with Thomas the Train, or closing the door to you room. I know how that feels buddy. Isaiah follows your every move and repeats everything you say. He loves his "butter". He frustrates you because he wants everything you have...but just letting you know baby that that is just payback for Michael's frustration with you, and Manuel's frustration with Michael, and Alyssa's frustration with Manuel. You all did it to each other and it's funny to see the domino effect of sibling frustration. Seriously, honey you crack me up.

The water is your love. You love the hose and water bottles and water balloons and spray bottles and baths. You love picking up your brothers from school and are very excited about going to school in the fall with your brothers. I ask you who mommy's baby is and you answer without fail: I'm your big boy baby. You are. You are amazing and smart and handsome. You have a beautiful heart who loves his brothers and sister and is always willing to show it - whether they want you to or not. You are in that stage where you want to be my little boy and you want to follow your older brothers. This stage has brought you tears and bravado. A wonderful combination that shows your independence and the fact that you are still only 4 years old and a momma's boy. I can't tell you how much I love that.

Happy birthday love. Thank you for choosing me as your momma.

Happy Birthday My Love

Today is the day she made me a momma. Everything I know she taught me.

Happiness, humility, patience, understanding, kindness, goodness, empathy, appreciation, compassion, excitement, insight, benevolence, yearning, elation, tenderness, pride, passion, joy, remorse, satisfaction, imagination, intensity. 

From the moment she wakes until the moment that sleep claims her, she is in my thoughts and heart. Fragments of our day swirl in my dreams every night and have me projecting good things, no scratch that, great things for my girl at every possible moment of my life. Things like...make good choices my love, you know right from wrong, take the higher road, you will always have me on your side - right or wrong, and above all, love and respect yourself.

She is enchanting. With her beautiful eyes and intoxicating smile she always, very rarely does she not, get her way. I have created a triple threat. Intelligent, beautiful and confident. However, if you were to ask her if we smothered her she would promptly reply with a very emphatic yes. Yes. And No. I guide. She always has choices. She almost always makes the right choice. But if circumstances entail that I make the choice for her, I absolutely, unequivocally, do. She takes this in stride at times and at others she lets me know what is on her mind.

14.

My head cannot wrap around the thought that in 4 short years she will go to college. That she will be able to make her own decisions, right or wrong, and that I will not be there to guide her.

But I have faith. Faith that she was listening when I thought she was tuning me out. Faith based on the knowledge that she is MY daughter, and that she is strong. Faith based on knowledge. I know this child. She will continue to amaze and conquer and love with great kindness. I know.

Happy birthday my love. May all of your wishes and dreams surpass all expectations.

I love you.

P.S. Thank you for choosing me as your momma.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Valentine's Day

I'm a little behind on the program this year. So I decided to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day now before I forget.

This year has started off to quite a slow start. With sports starting, school, work, house, and life, I was just a tad bit behind. Did I tell you I'm gonna add my school to the mix too? Yup. Decided to go back. So it will be a circus here to say the least.

However, I've also decided that I want to write. More. Write more crap about life with these kids. How it's truly magical watching them grow up, and love each other, and navigate these murky waters we call life. Whatever. Had you going there didn't I? What I'm really going to do is document every embarrassing situation or moment I possibly can and use it as blackmail to get them to do what I want them to do. Smart, huh?

So for now, happy early Valentine's Day. Before I forget. I'm losing brain cells by the minute.

Happy Birthday My Love

Today was a day of wow. I have a 9 year old. As in 9 years. 9 years of having the honor of being a part of something so magical. Something so much larger than I.

I saw him through different rose colored glasses today. A little more crisp rose colored. A little more in focus. I saw a glimpse of the man he will become. Confidence gallops through his veins pumped by that strong, energetic heart full of love and a new chamber I identified as defiance. That little lift of his head, shoulders squared back, cock of the head, eyes hooded. He wants so badly to be older not realizing that soon, soon enough, he will want and desire for time to stand still, go back, regress into boyhood.

This year he was lucky enough to have his grandfather here to celebrate. It is becoming tradition with each of the 5 kids to have their favorite meal cooked for them by me. Tonight it was beef tacos, spanish rice and coke with the new addition of guacamole.

Of course it wouldn't be complete without a delish cake baked by his sister with chocolate frosting.

He was willing to share his new chopper. Not really. But he did. With all of us including myself.

Lovely boy, thank you for being you. For your courage I know it takes to be the oldest brother of 3 younger brothers. For your blessing every day and every night that you never, ever forget to give me. For your unconditional love of a far from perfect mother. For your generosity. Even if said generosity is extracted by a raised eyebrow look from your mother. For your sensitivity and understanding that being older is not all that it's cracked up to be. You are amazing. You are wonderful. You are mine.

Happy Birthday. May all of your wishes and dreams continue to come true.

I love you.

P.S. Thank you for choosing me as your momma.

P.P.S. I can't decide who is more excited for your birthday. Your brother or you.

This Will Make You Smile or Laugh. Take Your Pick.

These pictures make me so happy.

I don't know why he must fully undress to use the bathroom, but undress he must. Every single time.

He was 'reading' the new Walmart ad.

I love you Aiden. You made my day.

Sabotage

I don't ask for much. Really, I don't. Everything, and I mean e.ver.y.thing goes to these kiddos and that's the way it should be. However, I saw a picture in Pottery Barn that had my heart all aflutter:

I actually have a white bench. A very beaten up, lead paint peeling, weathered bench I found at a yard sale for 10 smackeroos that has been sitting outside, lonely and unused for roughly a year. It had a home for a bit with our outdoor table and chairs but when I saw this picture I knew it would work. Kind of.

I love everything about this picture. I imagined the frames filled with snapshots of these boogers, the baskets underneath lovingly filled with their toys, no firewood because I do not have a fireplace and a little motivating factor like live children with brains safely ensconced in their skulls, the live plants and the color. Oh, the color. Be still my heart.

Then reality set in. I painted. It wasn't what I reeeally wanted, but hey, close enough. I set to looking for frames, didn't matter what color, that's what spray paint is for, and found 2 in my house. Hmmm, wasn't going to work. Then I saw a tutorial somewhere (can't remember where, sorry) about this mom who had black and white pictures printed, a sheet of MDF and made her own little "canvases". Genius! So, off to Home Depot I went where I purchased a sheet of MDF for 17 bucks. Since I couldn't narrow down the pictures that I wanted printed in black and white and to print them would have been about 30 dollaaahs for approximately 50 pictures (so not paying that) I had the sweet lady at Office Depot print them out in paper. At the price of 6 awesome cheap bucks. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention the spray adhesive. Another 4 bucks. (Side note: the Home Depot guy suggested I purchase the $17 spray adhesive. And I quote, "You're wasting your money if you don't buy that one." I should've listened. But who pays $17 for spray adhesive? Not I. I'm really cheap frugal. I should have though. Just saying. I had to go back and keep respraying because those 'pictures' kept falling off.)

Anyway, have I told you how much I love power tools? They are my new BFF's. Two thumps to the chest yo! I measured, and measured again. Then I remeasured my measurements. Again. Then 1 more time. And then I started cutting the wood. Or a sheet of pressed wood chips. Whatever. I spent lots of time cutting very slowly only to end up with 40 very crooked rectangles. Again, not too worried. I then sprayed 40 very crooked rectangles with spray adhesive one by one and added the 'picture'. Flipped it over and with a slightly rusted blade sheared the excess paper. Truly, it was rusted. It was all I had at the moment and I had not a moment to lose nor was I to be deterred. Turned them over and ohhhed and ahhhed. Then I nailed them strategically to the wall. Not really. I eyeballed it, nailed, hung, removed, eyeballed again, nailed again, and hung again x 40. Then I placed the bench under the 'canvasses', put out the basket with blocks, and a small plant from the Dollar Store. Loved it. Isaiah promptly walked over and tore the plant out from the pot and proceeded to dump the dirt, Michael and Aiden broke the basket by sitting on it, and Manuel sarcastically stated that the bench was 1 more thing that I was going to have to clean and then bitch complain about. Talk about my bubble crash and burning. I removed the bench and cleaned up the mess. Then I started to laugh. At least the pictures came out the way I wanted. If I close my right eye and lean my head to the left the wall of pictures looks straight. Almost. 

The important thing is that I love it. I do.

I couldn't get a straight shot. Mostly because my 6 ft tree was in the way.

These are some of my favorite pictures so far.

Don't you love Isaiah's picture? It's my all time favorite of him.

If you look closely you can see that the edges of the wood are still visible. I ran out of time was too lazy to paint them. Plus I like earthy vibe it gives them.

So it's not quite Pottery Barn. So it didn't come together the way I wanted. Well it did, but I'll won't mention the sabotage. So it makes me smile every time I walk into my house.